Congratulations on the good news. Humorous answer: one can always tell one's therapist. Real answer: ride out the well-deserved dopamine rush and then share news with family, friends, and acquaintances that are relatively (no pun intended) stable, happy, and supportive. If sharing one's success leads to a damaged relationship, the relationship was not meant to be--or never really was. But, polite congratulations are often the most one can expect. LA is a tough town, the creative arts are a tough business--and the political cauldron is worse. My friend Dennis Palumbo, former screenwriter, wise author of the marvelous Daniel Rinaldi mysteries, and current great therapist for creatives; has observed that so many seek an "approving parent" in what is among the worst places to find one. So, tell those who are in a place to cheer for you about the good news. It may inspire them to keep trying for their own wins. Congrats!
Over the course of my life, as I've gained self-esteem, cultivated faith in Life, AND no longer compare myself to others, I celebrate others' wins and joys easily - even if I'm not feeling great myself at that particular moment.
As for sharing my own good news with others - it's a way to amplify my gratitude and relish the goodness. Because, noticing increases the noticing. To honor the happening, savor it, be present with the unfolding Self. (This of course goes for unsavory times, too... Presence.)
As for others' opinions: What other people think of me is none of my business. May sound cliché, but it's true.
I've written three novels. None have been published. I'm working hard trying to get an agent for the third while writing my fourth. This Christmas was tough, I was like, What the hell am I doing? Why do I keep going? Nobody seems to like my books. Am I insane? I should give up. But I can't. Writing is what makes me feel connected to god, the universe, life.
My friend is an artist, a painter. She's been showing at coffee shops and tiny galleries in small towns, but recently a major gallery contacted her about a show. I'm so happy for her. It's fantastic. I congratulated her, took her out for drinks.
She said that she was inspired by me, that my dogged pursuit of my art gave her the strength to put herself out there. That was awesome to hear, but also really difficult to hear. I've inspired her, but I have yet to achieve even a small amount of success. I'm not even sure that my writing is getting better. Feedback has been mixed. But when I read what I wrote I'm so proud of myself, so in love with my characters and their journeys.
And yes, I know self publishing is an option, but without a social media following it's a fruitless endeavor. I still might do it, just to have it done.
I think you should look into self publishing. I have done three that way, the most recent, The Rebel's Hike. You were inspired to write. You like your books. Share them!
I'm hesitant to self publish because I really want to work with an agent or publisher in creative partnership to make my manuscript sing. I'm not 100% confident it is there yet. I've revised it multiple times with lots of feedback, but I'm still getting lukewarm reactions. I'll give it another six months to a year pursuing this route.
That being said, I will check our your book. If you're willing to share more info to share about the self publishing process, I'd love to hear it. Thanks!
Yes, it is. Some friends and family are what are called, "Crabs in a Bucket." The allegory holds that if one of the individual crabs tries to escape, the other crabs will drag him back down. I once had someone tell me (from the UK, no surprise there) that in his friend group, if one of them has a big W in life, they all tear him down; you aren't better than the rest of us!."
I would advise anyone who has friends like that to get new friends, because they are anything but your friend, rather, your secret enemy. Envy is a deadly sin for a reason and your success in life WILL shame certain people. I'm sure there were people who were pissed when you got Family Ties, for example.
F--k 'em.
Life is too short. Tell your good news and if they aren't happy for you, you know what to do. Vapor trails.
i’ve recently stopped sharing EVERYTHING about my life because having been that kind of person in the recent past i realized that i wanted a continuous flow of approval on a daily basis and not getting it created untold internal resentments. so i went cold turkey and have pulled all that energy back inward and congratulate and praise myself. or the part who desires the praise. massive uptick in self regard. an incubating containment of sorts whereby even my hand writing has changed🤓
My wife and I were just discussing this. We have both reached the point where we intentionally refrain from telling anyone good news because we don't have anyone...but each other...who wants to hear it. They take it personally. Most get envious. They feel less than. Many immediately try to one-up it or shift the subject back to their life. My wife is in the stage where it makes her angry. I'm in the acceptance phase. At the same time...I am working very hard to support the successes of others. Takes some discipline.
I like how you have thought this through this fully. I feel like my brain trips on the edges of this type of awareness, but I am unsure of whether it fully seeps in or just floats on by, if that makes any sense.
I do this, too. I find myself following good news with whatever bad thing I can conjure up to go behind it. What a shame. As another commenter stated, as I have grown as a person, I find myself so very happy for others when they have good news. That comes only after one is secure with themselves and their own choices. And, if I find a twinge of jealousy cropping up, I just laugh and tell the person I'm so jealous! Pride is what keeps people from being g honest about this.
Congratulations on the good news. Humorous answer: one can always tell one's therapist. Real answer: ride out the well-deserved dopamine rush and then share news with family, friends, and acquaintances that are relatively (no pun intended) stable, happy, and supportive. If sharing one's success leads to a damaged relationship, the relationship was not meant to be--or never really was. But, polite congratulations are often the most one can expect. LA is a tough town, the creative arts are a tough business--and the political cauldron is worse. My friend Dennis Palumbo, former screenwriter, wise author of the marvelous Daniel Rinaldi mysteries, and current great therapist for creatives; has observed that so many seek an "approving parent" in what is among the worst places to find one. So, tell those who are in a place to cheer for you about the good news. It may inspire them to keep trying for their own wins. Congrats!
Great topic.
Over the course of my life, as I've gained self-esteem, cultivated faith in Life, AND no longer compare myself to others, I celebrate others' wins and joys easily - even if I'm not feeling great myself at that particular moment.
As for sharing my own good news with others - it's a way to amplify my gratitude and relish the goodness. Because, noticing increases the noticing. To honor the happening, savor it, be present with the unfolding Self. (This of course goes for unsavory times, too... Presence.)
As for others' opinions: What other people think of me is none of my business. May sound cliché, but it's true.
I've written three novels. None have been published. I'm working hard trying to get an agent for the third while writing my fourth. This Christmas was tough, I was like, What the hell am I doing? Why do I keep going? Nobody seems to like my books. Am I insane? I should give up. But I can't. Writing is what makes me feel connected to god, the universe, life.
My friend is an artist, a painter. She's been showing at coffee shops and tiny galleries in small towns, but recently a major gallery contacted her about a show. I'm so happy for her. It's fantastic. I congratulated her, took her out for drinks.
She said that she was inspired by me, that my dogged pursuit of my art gave her the strength to put herself out there. That was awesome to hear, but also really difficult to hear. I've inspired her, but I have yet to achieve even a small amount of success. I'm not even sure that my writing is getting better. Feedback has been mixed. But when I read what I wrote I'm so proud of myself, so in love with my characters and their journeys.
And yes, I know self publishing is an option, but without a social media following it's a fruitless endeavor. I still might do it, just to have it done.
I think you should look into self publishing. I have done three that way, the most recent, The Rebel's Hike. You were inspired to write. You like your books. Share them!
I appreciate the comment!
I'll expand on my comment above.
I'm hesitant to self publish because I really want to work with an agent or publisher in creative partnership to make my manuscript sing. I'm not 100% confident it is there yet. I've revised it multiple times with lots of feedback, but I'm still getting lukewarm reactions. I'll give it another six months to a year pursuing this route.
That being said, I will check our your book. If you're willing to share more info to share about the self publishing process, I'd love to hear it. Thanks!
You know I came here and patron, after your eggshell comment after the election.
Since, you have proven yourself as a very wise and positive input, into my life. Thank you!
Yes, it is. Some friends and family are what are called, "Crabs in a Bucket." The allegory holds that if one of the individual crabs tries to escape, the other crabs will drag him back down. I once had someone tell me (from the UK, no surprise there) that in his friend group, if one of them has a big W in life, they all tear him down; you aren't better than the rest of us!."
I would advise anyone who has friends like that to get new friends, because they are anything but your friend, rather, your secret enemy. Envy is a deadly sin for a reason and your success in life WILL shame certain people. I'm sure there were people who were pissed when you got Family Ties, for example.
F--k 'em.
Life is too short. Tell your good news and if they aren't happy for you, you know what to do. Vapor trails.
i’ve recently stopped sharing EVERYTHING about my life because having been that kind of person in the recent past i realized that i wanted a continuous flow of approval on a daily basis and not getting it created untold internal resentments. so i went cold turkey and have pulled all that energy back inward and congratulate and praise myself. or the part who desires the praise. massive uptick in self regard. an incubating containment of sorts whereby even my hand writing has changed🤓
My wife and I were just discussing this. We have both reached the point where we intentionally refrain from telling anyone good news because we don't have anyone...but each other...who wants to hear it. They take it personally. Most get envious. They feel less than. Many immediately try to one-up it or shift the subject back to their life. My wife is in the stage where it makes her angry. I'm in the acceptance phase. At the same time...I am working very hard to support the successes of others. Takes some discipline.
Such a lovely, concise way to look at this complex reaction.
You put it into words the stuff we think about.
I like how you have thought this through this fully. I feel like my brain trips on the edges of this type of awareness, but I am unsure of whether it fully seeps in or just floats on by, if that makes any sense.
I do this, too. I find myself following good news with whatever bad thing I can conjure up to go behind it. What a shame. As another commenter stated, as I have grown as a person, I find myself so very happy for others when they have good news. That comes only after one is secure with themselves and their own choices. And, if I find a twinge of jealousy cropping up, I just laugh and tell the person I'm so jealous! Pride is what keeps people from being g honest about this.